God is still doing big, BIG things in my life. I've sensed for a while God was moving, stirring my heart, and calling me closer to my life's purpose. This Sunday thankfully I did not oversleep church and was able to make it to hear a sermon written just for me it seems. God spoke and God moved and I responded. I will continue to seek him this semester, for everything else is loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ (Phil 3:8). I wanted to share this with a friend of mine who has also been going through this struggle. I hope it is some encouragement.
"Also wanted to share some encouragement with you. Sounds like recently you have been feeling stuck or maybe purposeless? Yesterday in church the speaker talked about a purposeful, meaningful life for Christ. It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear, what has been tugging at my heart for a while now. (And to think I almost overslept...) I am made for something bigger than this stupid, small, petty life I am living. I am made for big things for Christ. Giving it all to Him at this point doesn't scare me, it excites me! I feel like we are both at the edge of the great wide open--we really have the ability to go and do anything! We really have no limitations (other than maybe some money issues...) and we have no ties. So I would challenge you to do two things: 1) look to God. Dig in deep to Him. My greatest moments of discouragement are when I am farthest away from Him. I genuinely believe that. I'm not just being cliche or trite. My heart is excited, comforted, and filled when I am closest to Him. Moments I stray and do my own thing only give me fleeting and momentary pleasure. So I would also challenge you to 2) seek the specific and general purposes God has for you. You can totally move to France or Morocco, but why not go and do what God wants? Do something BIG...not just eat pastries and steal swizzle sticks. ;) HAHAH. Just teasing. But seriously, i believe you have SO many abilities and talents, things that make your own heart sing, and they can be truly marvelous and dazzling if used in the hands of God. That's what you were created for!
I know it is discouraging to feel like God forgot you. Like he moved on to someone or something else and left you with the scraps from the pile. But refresh and renew your mind--he has NOT forgotten you or passed you over. He is still completing a good work in you, whether you feel like it or see it or not. I believe this. Truly. I am excited to see what and where and how God takes you.
At the same time I say all of this with enthusiasm and delight and passion, I also say it with a broken heart. I'm not sure yet, but I think God may be calling me away from a certain relationship. I know this is a small issue in light of everything else going on in life, but it feels like a big issue for me. I am not sure he is ready to go along with this "big" thing God is doing. I know he wants to live a good life but a life for himself nonetheless, and I REALLY REALLY don't want to be pulled into that. I know my "panic button" is usually to just run from difficult situations. I don't want to wait it out for any amount of time to see what God may do, because that may mean I may get hurt. It may mean rejection, or worse yet growing closer to him and then having to let him go. Or it may be that God has a clear plan and this relationship will bring even more joy and blessings to our lives. But either way I am ready for God to do what he needs to do to get me to finally, once and for all, go all in for Him. I'm ready for it. Whatever the next chapter of my own life brings after graduation, I want it to be completely consumed and dedicated to God. The growth He has done in my life in only a semester's time is more than I ever thought possible. I see the new fresh budding and of hope and joy in my life in places that were dark and scary, rotten and discarded. Only God could do this. It is time. I don't want to waste any more days of my life being self-consumed. I want to use my talents and resources for him.
In this way you can keep me accountable. :) I know there will be selfish and sinful days, but "my heart is stirred by a noble theme" (Ps 45:1) and I'm ready to sing a new song.
I hope this doesn't come off as preachy or condescending. I haven't got it all figured out, and even as I type this there are things of the world that are pulling my attention away toward momentary delight. But I will fight the good fight. I wanted to share it with you because I thought maybe you were going through some of the same struggles? If not...sorry to be so long winded. I just really want you to find your heart's satisfaction, whatever that looks like for you. I know some things are out of our control to a certain extent (husband, babies, money struggles, etc.) but we can control our emotions and efforts. So know that I am praying for you today and always to know God above all else and to be filled to the fullest measure. Don't lose heart! You are greatly loved and completely sufficient in Christ!
I love you. Keep me in your prayers and I'll do the same for you."
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